Thursday, October 18, 2012

Time Out

It's been a long month for this girl, and it's not over yet.  But a "milestone" today... I put a halt to something that has been a big part of me for the last 2+ years.

Today I was officially diagnosed with Cervical Intraepithelial Neoplasia (CIN - Grade III), treated with a loop electrosurgical excision procedure (LEEP), followed by (or actually starting with based on scheduling dates) birth control for 6 months to ensure complete healing before carrying a baby.  Meaning...It's time to take a time out from TTC.  And  I'm not sure how I feel about it. 

On one hand, it will be nice to not have to stress, worry, or question symptoms for a while.  To not have to be upset for days every month because of another BFN.  It felt a little surreal this afternoon when I placed my BC prescription on top of a box of OPKs, they seem so unnecessary now.  They'll be expired by the time I'm off BC and there'll be no need for them until then.  I think I'll keep charting, at least my BBT, mostly out of curiosity of what the supplements and BC will do for it's current erratic tendancies.
*Acronyms above defined here

On the other hand, that's 6 more months to tack on to this ever growing counter...
...and another candle on my birthday cake before I'm a mom.

It's funny, SS and I had talked about going back on BC previously, but I had been procrastinating actually making that move.  Now Dr. M wants me to take it for the sake of pregnancy and strong healthy cervix to support it.

It did make me feel good today when Dr. M was the one who suggested the frustration of TTC for 2 years.  I could see that she understood what that really meant.  I really do like that office, everyone has been so nice, friendly, and explanatory.  It's been a great experience so far, regardless of the reasoning for my visits.  I'm really glad I found it, and I'm definately glad I went in.

I do suppose... if looking at the bright side, we did get pregnant last time only 4 months after stopping BC.  But that's another blog for another time.  Something I haven't even completely opened up to myself about yet.

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