It's been a long month for this girl, and it's not over yet. But a "milestone" today... I put a halt to something that has been a big part of me for the last 2+ years.
Today I was officially diagnosed with Cervical Intraepithelial Neoplasia (CIN - Grade III), treated with a loop electrosurgical excision procedure (LEEP), followed by (or actually starting with based on scheduling dates) birth control for 6 months to ensure complete healing before carrying a baby. Meaning...It's time to take a time out from TTC. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.
On one hand, it will be nice to not have to stress, worry, or question symptoms for a while. To not have to be upset for days every month because of another BFN. It felt a little surreal this afternoon when I placed my BC prescription on top of a box of OPKs, they seem so unnecessary now. They'll be expired by the time I'm off BC and there'll be no need for them until then. I think I'll keep charting, at least my BBT, mostly out of curiosity of what the supplements and BC will do for it's current erratic tendancies.
On the other hand, that's 6 more months to tack on to this ever growing counter...
...and another candle on my birthday cake before I'm a mom.
It's funny, SS and I had talked about going back on BC previously, but I had been procrastinating actually making that move. Now Dr. M wants me to take it for the sake of pregnancy and strong healthy cervix to support it.
It did make me feel good today when Dr. M was the one who suggested the frustration of TTC for 2 years. I could see that she understood what that really meant. I really do like that office, everyone has been so nice, friendly, and explanatory. It's been a great experience so far, regardless of the reasoning for my visits. I'm really glad I found it, and I'm definately glad I went in.
I do suppose... if looking at the bright side, we did get pregnant last time only 4 months after stopping BC. But that's another blog for another time. Something I haven't even completely opened up to myself about yet.