Whatcha Thinkin'?

Have I missed the bus?  Why didn't we see the OB/Gyn sooner?  Was I wrong to wait, to try to do this ourselves?  We changed our diets, started vitamins/supplements (by recommendations of forums posts found by Dr. Google), I started temping and using OPKs more consistently... 

They don't teach you about infertility in sex ed.  They show that crazy video of the sperm wriggling itself through the egg.  Guess what!  That's not a problem for me.  I know how to get the sperm in.  Unprotected sex, ass in the air, all the tricks in the book...and still, no babies!  Thanks for that lesson on how not to get pregnant though...really, so much help!  Abstinence only happens before a SA in this house.

Dr. M called with the SA results Tuesday. 

Good count, not so good morphology or motility :(  And, we've been busy with other household stuff, so it's kind of been put to the side.  Our options are another SA in 30 days or a referral to a urologist (but not the one in town, so we'd have to travel somewhere).  She also told me that she hasn't seen my results yet.  Which is odd #1, because they were done on THANKSGIVING! And, #2, because the MA left a message saying they were "normal."  So, she said to keep the appt on the 20th, possibly it's a quick phone call with the results, but it will be harder to re-schedule than to cancel.  Plus, she also wants to proceed with the HSG once I've healed up more.  She's just really concentrated on me being healed up!

So, that's where we are.  In need of a discussion of what to do next.  I'm glad we've started taking our vitamins on a more regular basis and balanced out our diet more :)  My best guess is we will redo the SA in a month and see what that says.  They've been known to change, at least that's what I've seen around the blogophere.  Feel free to chime in with any advice/opinions.  Comments are always welcome.  Unless I'm just talking to myself.  In which case, I comment plenty :D

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And, for your viewing pleasure, here is the plan:

Step One:  LEEP (after abnormal PAP; CIN III - high grade cervical dysplasia)
Step Two:  BCP for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 months
Step Three:  cd3 blood work  (Dr. M's MA left VM stating "Normal" results)
Step Four:  SA for SS (Good count, low morphology & motility)
Step Five:  Follow-up Appt w/ Dr. M - Feb 20th, 2013
Step Six:  HSG  (more healing before this can take place)

Sexy's Back Double Time

I must admit that I am, what they would call, a 'NSync-er.  I LOOOOOOOVED this boys!  Couldn't get enough.  Had magazines, videos, and thanks to a very awesome friend, I even got to go to a concert.  I was, not so, close to Justin Timberlake!!!!!!  Now, why would I bring this up?  I'm glad you asked.

I'm not much of one to get excited about many things mainstream (anymore).  I will check in with People magazine once in a while (mostly to see who's having babies :), and have been known to try and drag SS into a conversation about the Duke and Duchess.  Not too much gets heart racing, blood flowing, excitedness spewing like a 15-year-old girl at an 'NSync concert (insert other boy band names as necessary, but I'm sure you get the point :)

That was until yesterday, I was poking around another guilty pleasure of mine, and found this:

This, undoubtedly, led to what I now know as fangirling (still cracks me up...it's really true, sad, but true).  And a quick jump on Facebook to share the video and be sure that my one true 'NSync/Justin Timberlake friend was aware that our guy was BACK!  Or coming back, we hope!  Woot! 

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And that of course brings me to the 2nd comeback of sexy.  Which is none other than me!  :)

I'm super excited to have been so productive yesterday (and a little this morning) to schedule a "me, me, girly day."  Which will consist of acupuncture, a trip to the salon...for my new Emma Stone hair

Then, it's off to the Fitness & Racquet Club in town to talk to Doug about my new membership!  I've been working out at home consistently for the last few weeks, off/on for a few months, but I'm excited to have equipment and trainers and classes and all the fun stuff that comes with having a gym (including tanning!).  Now, it is an hour into town so my usage will need to be nicely thought and planned out, but I'm thinking I can at least fit once a week with my acupuncture appointment (or however often they end up being).

(Absolutely loving the color and the cut)

All of this has got me feeling sexy, and knowing that will only increase.  I'm also hoping that there might be a bit of positive results in our TTC-ing.  Duh!

**Just a random side note:  SS turned on Friends With Benefits the other day, before I was off work, but only minutes.  So I sit down on the couch and instantly hear(like 2 words, literally)...JT!  "What is this?" I asked, thinking there was some new JT movie I had missed.  He tried to be all cute and coy with some answer that would sneak in the fact JT was in the movie.  I stopped him halfway..."I know it's Justin Timberlake, WHAT is the movie?"  At that time the title popped on screen and all was solved.  And completely obvious that I may have been a little bit obsessed with my main man :)

Baby Steps

It seems that there's a lot going on, but I don't have much to tell.  I guess it was just a busy weekend.  That spilled over into Monday.  But, after 2 days in the 'spa,' aka the mechanic shop, our beautiful beast of a car is like brand new and we are home.  Except the starter that gave us fits 1/2 way home last night.  Thanks to the random stranger who got our car started and saved us from having to tow her 200 miles home!

We are a little bit closer to Step Five (I've even figured out which it is :)  I called Dr. M's office 1/3/13, leaving a message for her Medical Assistant about what we needed to do next.  Friday, another girl from the office called back and I explained (again!) that I wanted to know if I needed an appointment to see Dr. M or an appointment for an HSG as our next step in fertility testing.  She (I didn't catch/ask for her name) told me that the SA results were in but she didn't think Dr. M had seen them yet...this apparently means I don't get to know, since she reconfirmed the 'normal' cd3 bloodwork but did not share anything about the results from the SA...uhg!.  So...let's go ahead and set up an appointment. The doctor's busy, I'm on call, we're planning a BIG road trip...how about February 20th?  Of course I snatched it up, but now I know I'll still be anxious and nervous for the next 36 days.  It's always a waiting game in TTC, always waiting for something.

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And, once again, here is the plan:

Step One:  LEEP (after abnormal PAP; CIN III - high grade cervical dysplasia)
Step Two:  BCP for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 months
Step Three:  cd3 blood work  (Dr. M's MA left VM stating "Normal" results)
Step Four:  SA for SS (waiting on results)
Step Five:  Follow-up Appt w/ Dr. M - Feb 20th, 2013Step Six:  HSG

It Happened One Night

Actually, it happens from time to time.  At 30+ years old, we've come to expect it.  That question.  The One.  That question that no matter how far into this journey we've come (which, I suppose is not so, so far) I have still yet to find a satisfying answer.  Because my satisfying answer would be "yes."

So, on New Years Eve, when our neighbors daughter-in-law asked, "Do you two have kids?"  I simply smiled, and said "No.  Not yet."  I took a drink of my soda to evade anything that would continue the conversation.  She was satisfied with the answer, the conversation was done.  I got to spend the rest of our time there eating her delicious Japanese finger food* and enjoying every second of her boys (who are 3 and 4 years old) run from end to end of the house.  Laughing, giggling, yelling at their dad for embarrassing them in front of strangers.  I struggled to understand the oldest telling us how much he wants a dog like ours.  It was awesome!  I did not cry.  I did not mourn for the child I did not have.  I did not feel sad because I was not (yet) a mother.  I simply enjoyed these wonderful, amazing children who were so full of life and so blissfully naive.  What a beautiful thing to share in!

What I wanted to say was so much different, so much more, but of course, I kept it to myself and answered as I did.  It was as much of the truth as I wanted to share with someone I had just met.  And I have SS, our mom's, and this blog for the rest of the truth.  We're trying.  And trying, is very trying.  But we're making the most of it and taking one step at a time.

Speaking of steps, the next in our plan has been completed.  Meaning that the SA has been turned in!  Woo hoo!  Talk about a huge relief.  I'm not sure why, but it was really bothering me that we weren't getting it done.  It's like the BC has put a stop to our TTC, so I'm trying to control everything else.  It still won't help in the waiting, BC still goes until April 2013.  I guess I just feel better if there's something I can control.  And for this it is the testing that needs completed.  As it turns out, SS also had some fears about the SA, but we got it done and I'm very thankful to him for going through this with me. 

And for those keeping track, here it the plan:

Step One:  LEEP (after abnormal PAP; CIN III - high grade cervical dysplasia)
Step Two:  BCP for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 months
Step Three:  cd3 blood work  (Dr. M's MA left VM stating "Normal" results)
Step Four:  SA for SS (waiting on results)
Step Five/Six:  Follow-up Appt w/ Dr. M
Step Five/Six:  HSG

*I don't remember what it was called, but it was like a steak (which they said was usually cut thinner than the cubes they were offering) with a yummy type of teriyaki/soy sauce.  I tried to remember what it was called and hope not to cause any offense.  And, if you're reading and know what it's called, please let me know so I can update :)